Marrying Someone like You

A poem about circumstance

Marrying Someone like You

I was just thinking

what would have happened 

if you had a girl 

instead of a boy.

when the baby came, 

when I heard it was a boy,

I thought well, of course

there was no other way, 

even fate doesn’t have

such a sick twisted sense 

as to give you a girl.

you needed a boy—

a girl would have turned 

your life right side up. 

a boy was much safer,

you could just keep on.

but if he was a she than 

I would no longer be 

a woman with a cunt,

but a girl with a father.

instead of wanting to,

needing to, reach 

touch

grab hold

you’d suddenly stand

five paces away.

In my eyes you’d see 

her untouched tomorrow

that would one day be 

lost too

and it couldn’t be 

by the hands of you.

& if he was a she than 

you would look at me 

and rage at my choices, 

how could I be

so foolish, so naive, 

so shortsighted

that today I could not see 

the failure of yesterday

leaking into tomorrow. 

I wonder if you ever think

if he had been a she

one that looks less like you 

and more like her—

you could finally see 

her yesterday too.

her foolish, her naive, 

short sighted decision of

marrying someone like you.